danish women are...

hard to figure out!
I'm not from denmark. was married to a dane. have had three or four danish girlfriends in 6 years. can't seem to figure them out. have been "partially" single for more than three years. almost given up on the danish women. until this week!! met a girl that is really beautiful...and seems very nice. I would like to win her over. i just went up to her and started talking. we've had a good conversation. she seemed very interested, and have had lunch together evreyday this week (she is working on location at my company for two weeks) She gave me her phone number, but when I call, she seems uninterested. doesn't reply to my SMS either. she was supposed to call tonight so we could meet for a coffee. but didn't. Sent an SMS and hinted that I was not busy tommorrow. will see what happens. Am confused. how do I handle the danish women. Don't want to seem overly interested. but don't want to move to slow either. haven't had this feeling for a woman in a very long time. any serious advice appreciated. M (it is okay to reply in danish)

hi, hehe, det var sjovt at læse, men jeg er ikke selv dansker til at kunne kommer med noget tricks. lool, Jeg synes også danske piger er flotte. Men altså synes du ikke at hun forsøger at give sig lidt god tid at tænke om dig?? Måske hun er i forhold med en anden som vil forhindre hende i at beslutte sig i at komme sammen med dig. Giv hende tid at få styr på sin situation, og vise hende at du er glad for hende med ord,øjnekontakt og m.
Held og lykke med det. Hils hende hvis det lykkes dig at komme tætter på hende. hehhe, godnat du.

I'm not able to figure out Danish women myself.
Seem Danish women are the hardest in the world to figure out.
I have heard somewhere that if you are little way off and they are able to change you, then you should have a better chance.
Else be patient....sooner or later a foreign lady will come your way... :P

gimber. Hun er for fejg at melde klart ud, at hun ikke er interesseret i dig. Det er typisk dansk, og i deres sprog hedder det, at hun ikke vil såre dig. Åh så sødt og uskyldigt. Drop hende bare og find en, der er interssere i dig, så brænder hun, selvom hun måske er dansk

Det undrer mig lidt at du er nødt til at begå dig på engelsk hvis du har boet her 6 år (eller mere)!
Vi kan godt snakke engelsk her i Danmark, men det kan godt være udmattende i længden fordi trods alt er et fremmed sprog som vi kun bruger fra tid til anden. Måske det er det hun har fået kolde fødder over?
Der kan også være 1000 andre grunde til at hun har fået kolde fødder. Men hvem ved, måske kontakter hun dig alligevel?!

She has told me that she is not married and doesn't have a boyfriend. According to her, they broke up in January...and she claims that she is over it. I'm afraid to call for fear of seeming to eager. will wait to see what happens tommorrow. Thanks for the replies fellas. Are there any danish women on the forum that can enlighten me???

jeg kan bare ikke skriver det! tak. M

For some reason she seems to have got cold feet. Some people are afraid to say that to the other part. She is one of them.

She's not that "into" you. That means she's not interested in having a relationship with you. To her you were just anybody to keep her company so that she didn't have to lunch alone. I do that often myself. Most Danish girls are very direct. They go after what they want. If she didn't call you up first because she's shy, she would have responded to your sms. You had done all that could be done so if there was no response, too bad. There are still plenty of fishes in the water you know. Good luck.

Nr.1: Du var der til at holde hende ved selskab til frokosterne, men det var alt hvad det var. Hun var ikke interesseret i mere.
Nr.2: Det hele er gået lidt for hurtigt for hende. Frokost hver dag! Det er ikke så længe siden, at hun slog op med sin kæreste. Du virker meget ivrig! Hun har brug for at tænke over tingene.
Hendes opførsel minder jo på mange måder om mænds. Hvilke grunde vil du selv have til ikke at reagere på sms'er?
Jeg kunne også godt tænke mig at vide, hvad det er, du synes, der er så svært ved at forstå danske kvinder? Hvor kommer du selv fra?

the States. I'm no super model or sports star, I'm no "Player" either. but in general, I think I'm an okay kind of guy. I have an education, a decent job, and I take care of myself. Can't say that I have any real problems with a Danish women per se, but just can't figure out the signals from danish WOMEN. In the US, I know the score. Here, it is seems to be a totally different game.
I gave her my business card. She sent me an email the next day with her phone number and a message that I should invite her for a coffee one day. She has made it a point to tell me when she would be eating lunch. So it was only polite to join her. We have had good conversation about basic stuff. So there couldn't have been anything said to offend her. Nor anything said to give an impression that I was an idiot. And vice versa. So the signals I'm getting are not making sense to me.
I haven't been "out there on the market" in Denmark. I've only dated 3 danish women before. One I met outside of Denmark. the other one was a former colleague. and one on an internet dating site. All were very different.
Just need some pointers... and to know the "rules" of the Danish game.
Thanks for the reply. M

Der er ikke rigtigt nogle dating regler i Danmark. Der er ikke de samme tradition for at date i Danmark, som der er i USA. Jeg tror det er derfor det måske er lidt svært.
Jeg har på fornemmelsen at dating i USA er mere casual. Det er lidt mere "seriøst" i Danmark.
Måske er hun lidt skræmt over, at det er gået så hurtigt...hun har kendt dig 1 uge! :o)
Jeg vil foreslå at "back of" en smule. Altså personligt kunne jeg godt synes at det måske blev lidt for intenst. Måske have brug for lige at tænke lidt over det.
Ser du hende ikke igen mandag? Hun skulle være der 2 uger? Eller begyndte I først at snakke sammen i den sidste uge?
Måske kan finde ud af lidt mere mandag!
Håber det går godt :o)

Look Mack, she probably found out in the week of lunch with you that you two had nothing very much in common. She's the right to change her mind you know. It's better to clear up such stuff from the beginning. Sometimes chemistry just fizzes out when you get to know another person better. Danish girls are very americanized through the influence of American films and they're not that different. If I knew someone's interested in me and I'm not "into" him, I would find every excuse to avoid seeing him. It's as simple as that and like that all over the world. I hope you've got it. Some girls are by nature just sweet to everybody and sometimes men get the wrong idea. She's probably one of them since you're out of sight and out of mind, so stop wasting your time with speculations.

the scenario you present Freia... and if that is the case then so be it. However, I don't think that it is the case here. I haven't asked her out on a date. I've asked her out for a coffee! There hasn't been any real possibility to "find out" anything dating wise during lunch. We eat lunch in the company canteen - during the time I usually eat anyway. 30 minutes of just friendly chat. Believe it or not, I do consider myself a "Gentleman". So there have been any "lines" given from my side.
Anyway, don't get me wrong... yes, I think she is nice and possibly the girl for me. But this question I posted is not only about her, but also so that I will have the "knowledge" for future situations. M

- at samme situation kunne opstå i US? Er der virkelig så stor forskel på danske og amerikanske kvinder? Hvor ligger forskellen?
Der er stor forskel på danske kvinder. Det hele kommer an på personlighed og hvordan man reagere derefter.
Der er altså ikke nogle guidelines. Der kan være en million grunde til, at hun ikke har skrevet tilbage på din sms.
Sorry, men der er ikke nogle grundlæggende "regler", som vi kan indvie dig i *s*
Af ren nysgerrighed - hvordan er amerikanske kvinder forskellige i forhold til danske?

My apology for being too hard on you. Well, what do Danish women want is the question, right? You've been married to a Danish woman and have had 3-4 relationships, and you still don't have a clue? :-) Speaking to my Danish girlfriends and female colleagues, who are single, divorced or about to go in or out of relationships, I have a general impression that most do not fall for guys who are the "gentleman" type. They like men who give them a bit of a resistance and who are no pushovers. So Mack, play a bit hard to get (but not too much) is my advice. A dash of danger - even if you're no James Bond - is an attractive quality, and most girls fall for that. Nice guys are boring and women can't complain to their girlfriends about not knowing where they have them. You must help to further female bonding if you want to go anywhere with a woman. Why do you think single women spend so much time on their mobiles? Your 10 minutes's up. I usually get paid for my advice, so you owe me one. (Just kidding. ;-) By the way, du "taler" dansk, not "snakker" dansk. Du snakker med folk, du taler dansk. Some Danes do not even know that.

...with danish women. But they all were different. One met outside of Denmark. the other was a former colleague, and one on a internet dating site. So, I do have "A" clue, that is why I need MORE clues!!!
Yes, I "snakker" dansk, not "taler" or skriver dansk. I can have a basic conversation in danish, thats all.
Anyway, thanks for your tips. I will keep them in mind.

... different than danish women in many ways. But maybe I wrong. I just know that I can "read" them better than danish women. Most of this is cultural probably. But one way I can name is that Danish women are much more straight forward. Scandinavian women have a reputation for this in general.
I gave her my business card. She sent an email with her phone number the next day saying that I should call if we should have a coffee or something. Maybe she did get cold feet. Or maybe I should do as Freia suggest and "act" as if I'm not that interested. I'm sure I will "bump" into her tomorrow, so I will just smile and say hi and keep moving. I will also eat lunch earlier! M

... you're a fast learner. I'm beginning to get a bit curious about you! :-) Unfortunately, I'm married! Too bad :-( One last advice, don't go from one extreme of wild interest to the other of total disregard. If you see her tomorrow, smile and stay your usual friendly self. Chat a bit but not too much (ask her about her weekend), be nice, but no further. Laugh and walk off as though you're in a hurry somewhere. Don't avoid her as she'll think you're sour grapes. Lunch with her as if by accident but let her do the talking. Don't be too eager or too gentleman-like. Ask her about her strategy in her career and her goals. Don't go into anything personal. Be a bit mysterious and laid back. If she apologized about the sms, just tell her not to worry because you'd presumed she didn't receive it or too busy to reply. Say it's no big deal. Be first to leave the table saying you've something to attend to. If she's not hooked, then you'll know she's not "into" you but good luck!

vil vi gerne høre hvordan det går!! ;o)

selvføgelig! M

...and I went to work today as usual. A bit more excited than normal perhaps.
Upon arrival at the office, I walked past the makeshift office where my friend is temporarily housed. It is on the way to my office, but I could have also gone around. However, I didn't. As I walked past the office wall made of glass, I glanced to my right. There she was speaking on the phone and staring directly at me. I pretended as if I didn't notice, and hurried past. My heart was racing as I was glad to see her and wanted to stop and say a proper good morning. But it took some gusto to keep on course for my office further down the corridor.
As mentioned. the plan was to go to lunch earlier than normal today. I could only manage to get away from work 10 minutes earlier. After grabbing a tray full of the company's finest slop, and the days Børsen newspaper, I found a table in the far corner of the canteen, where I plopped myself down and began to eat in anticipation of the events about to unfold. The newspaper was just a ploy to keep myself occupied, as the suspense of what would happen when and if she came to lunch today. She did come to lunch today… and right on time. She also found me; sitting there all alone reading the Danish business news. In all honesty, I knew (and hoped) she would be there today.
In the sweetest schoolgirl voice (or at least that is what I thought it sounded like at that moment) she said "hello there" and sat down across the table from me. I looked up trying to seem surprised and replied with a melancholy half masculine "hi". And all of a sudden in a moment of clarity, I remembered that I had a plan… and that the plan should be followed at any cost. So Plan A was now in affect.
I continued by asking her how her weekend was. She replied and in turn asked me how mine was. Not wanting to seem dull and boring, I made up a story about an exciting Friday night I had at a bar in town with some friends that I just happened to bump into. I tried to keep the conversation to a minimum...but what can I say..I have a big mouth, and it found something to blabber on about no matter how hard I tried to keep it shut! Anyway, I did mange to keep the conversation very basic -- about news, stocks, and cars... rigtigt drenge snak!!!
After 15 minutes or so, we finished eating and walked back to the office together, not before stopping to take a coffee along the way. While the coffee machine churned and chugged a Cappuccino for me, and a Wiener Mélange for her, the conversation turned to sports and keeping fit is the cold and gray Danish weather. After a minute of two of this, I remembered that according to Plan A, I was supposed to have left right after lunch. So, I cut the small talk, told her to have a nice day and turned to go to my office. I had done it.
M

Now you sound more like every girl's dream. She must be wondering why you didn't mention the sms. Don't say anything about it unless she takes it up first. If she apologised, tell her your coffee invite is still open but make it clear that she's under no obligation to accept. Stay nonchalant. On Friday, you can throw out your line with an open invitation to her about joining you and your friends in your favorite pub. I do hope you have friends and a favorite pub! Make it sound like a casual invitation rather than an eager attempt to date her again. If she's not hooked, I think you better invest in something that has better returns.

Hvorfor så mange danske kvinder er single, hende der, havde da forlængt fået et spark ud af vagten med hende, hvis det var mig.
Hvad skal det der rænkespil til for? i danske kvinder brokker jer altid over at vi mænd ikke er åbne overfor jer, men hvad hjælper det, hvis vi fra starten af, skal behandles på den måde af jer. Nej nej, i må snart lære og behandle mænd, som i selv gerne vil behandles.
Men ok, hvis i hellere vil ha at han skal behandle jer som et røvhul, jamen så find jer dog sådan en. Og bliv så ulykkelig, som man læser i blver, gang på gang, i debatterne, forskellige steder på nettet.
Q

DEn eneste måde du lærer skriftligt dansk på, er via træning træning og atter træning, hvorfor så ikke øve dig her?
Hvis der er noget folk ikke helt forstår, kan de jo spørge, og så kan du jo forklare dem på engelsk hvad du mener.
Det andet er at skyde dig selv i foden.
Q

men hvorfor genere det dig (og andere måske) så meget at jeg skriver på engelsk?
Jeg har brugt masse tid og penge for at prøv og lære dit sprog. det er ikke så nemt som du danskerne tror... selv om jeg øver mig meget.
Men nogle gang vil jeg gerne ikke tænke så meget på hvad jeg ville siger. Så er det nemmere på engelsk. Forstår du?
M

today was even better!
I went to lunch again about 15 minutes earlier. But this time she didn't see me in the corner eating theh company slop and reading my Børsens newspaper. So she sat at another table by herself. After about 10 minutes or so, I got up to go get a glass of water and walked past her. On the way back we made eye contact, and I walked up to her as she was sitting at the end of the table closest to the aisle. I asked "why she was sitting here by yourself?". She replied that she hadn't seen me. I replied that I was over in the corner hiding...and continued that I was almost finished eating and that maybe we will see us later. I went back to my table and finished eating. After about 10 minutes, I got up to put away my dishes. I walked past her without looking at her. After my dishes were put safly away, I stopped to take the last bit of drink from my glass -- making sure she saw me in the process, and then exited the canteen.
About 15 minutes later, I took a notebook with some work related reading material, and strategically placed myself in the rest area where she normally takes a coffee after lunch -- in which she did today as well. She got a coffee and came over an sat down next to me, and we preceeded with a little small talk. But I didn't want to say very much. She didn't want to bother me, so she was off to her office again after about 5 minutes. On her way off, she squeaked in her nearly inaudible schoolgirl voice "maybe we will see eachother later?" (meaning during a coffee break). I said yes, maybe... checking out her cute little deriere as she sasheed away.
M

"squeaked in her nearly inaudible schoolgirl voice" ... "checking out her cute little deriere ..." ??? Why do I have this nagging feeling that I'm helping a lecherous old man to entrap a young and naive girl? Oh god, what have I done?

... well, maybe it didn't happen exactly like that. anyway, just practicing my writing skillz.
M

...this little real-life drama would be the basis for my Romance novel, but it seems to have fizzled out pre-maturely.
I went to lunch at my normal time today. She was there at the same time, and we sat down together at the table and ate. We both had newspapers so the chatting was minimal. After we finished eating, we walked back to the office together, but work was waiting for her so there was no time for a coffee.
M

Just a little update on the situation...
GAME OVER!
We had a couple of more lunches together last week, and these went okay. I kept getting mixed signals in the conversations but nothing significant to act on. About mid-week last week, I didn't see her during the normal lunch meeting time. Sent an SMS later in the day asking where she was, but have yet to recieve a reply. That was the last I heard from her.
So, I've thrown in the towel and will concentrate my efforts elsewhere. Only one problem... where is elsewhere????
Anyway, want to say thanks to everyone who took the time to comment on this thread. Will keep the tips and suggestions in mind for next time.
Hasta.
*M*

Hello There.
Well I could try and help,but U have not mentioned how old U r,and one thing is 4 certain and that is, the danish women r very independent and don't like men telling them what/how 2 do things, and they certainly like intelect men,so if U r too pushy and not giving them time to think and find out who U r,then they will run away.This girl U met and whom U seem to like,sounds like she is being run over by the ROAD RUNNER, wait a while and then ask her out again and lay all ur card on the table and then C what happens... Good Luck....

...yes, sounds like a reasonable plan based on the interpretation of events that you present. However, I don't think that it is true in this case. As I've mentioned before somewhere in this thread... I consider myself a gentleman... but was duely informed by someone on the forum that this was not attractive to danish women. But since it is my nature to be like this, this is what I went with.
There was absolutely no pressure from my side. Just tried to show in subtle ways that I was interested. I only asked her out for a coffee once (after two days of lunch together) which she accepted, but on the day we were to meet, we were not able to contact eachother because of phone problems(so she said). Even brought candy one day (after we had talked about candy at lunch the day before).
But another thing I found out that I have not mentioned is that she is a bit younger than I first initially suspected. I'm 35 and she is only 26. So that could explain some things.
Anyway, thanks for your suggestions. I will keep them in mind. However, I doubt that I will contact her again, unless of course she contacts me first.
*M*

Lol ok,I understand ur age differences,but I can asure U that we danes do love gentlemen,as there are'nt many of them here,but my only guess could be,that she eighter is too shy to speak english or get into the english ways of life,or she might have another guy and just wanted to test U out. But hey, the spining wheel still spins and I am sure U r a nice blok and good looking 2 so that wheel of fortune will hit U one day.. Good luck..

Ouch! I just read your update. I was away. I'm so, so sorry Mack. Too bad she's not THAT into you. Well, you can't choose whom you love ... that's one of the sad facts of life. You can drag a horse to water but you can't make it drink ... and all that. Not too comforting, eh? You will need recuperating time but the heart is a strong organ and before you know, it is out there hunting again! Well, some wise guy once said that the heart is a lonely hunter ... there must be something to it! And one last advice, be yourself. When one is in love, one tries ways to attract the person but, ultimately, to be the one you are is still the most honest thing to yourself and to the person you love. Remain the gentleman you are but try not be too eager. I'm sure the girl whom you fall in love with and who returns your feelings is out there. Just don't look too hard and, who knows, ...

Hey Freia. Thanks. There is nothing to be sorry about. And you are right... it will happen when it happens!
M

Hello again kids. Here is the much anticipated update on Denmarks biggest romance saga!!!
Okay, maybe its not the biggest in Denmark, but it is still big! To me it is anyway (smile)!
Well, I had moved past this "distraction" back in March since there was no response to my last email. I concluded that there was nothing to come after there. To my surprise, I get this email from her a couple of weeks ago. Among other things it said "Haven't heard from you" and "Hope to hear from you". So I think to myself - what is this about? I reply very briefly, as I didn't want to get my vital organs all flaired up again! She replies briefly with info on how she's been and a few questions about me and my love life. I'm thinking to myself again... hhhmmmnnnn??? I reply with a brief sentence or two and ask the same about her. She says that shes had a few dates, but nothing to talk about. A few days go by (the organs couldn't be contained by-the-way)and I make the decision. I re-read this forum thread and make up my mind to follow the advice that you were so generous to provide. I didn't feel like beeing kept in suspense like I had been a few months ago. So, I wrote back to her in a brief note where I stated how pretty I thought she was, and that I have had feelings for her for some time now. I ended with an invitaion to meet soon at a cafe or some other place.
The cat is finally out of he bag!
I haven't gotten a reply yet. Maybe I scared her away. Maybe not. But one thing is for sure, it feels good to have gotten this out of my system.
Will keep you posted on the developments.
Any comments, advice, anlyses, cautions, prayers, or suggestions will be appreciated.
Mack