engelsk rettelse: oversætelse

Heeey people
vil nogen være sød at hjælpe mig med at rette denne oversættelse fra dansk til engelsk.? =) Tusind tak på forhånd
DANSK:
En sydafrikansk sikkerhedsvagt blev skudt under et røveri i Johannesburg. Lægerne har dog ikke travlt med at hjælpe vagten. Efter skyderiet fik 38-årige Phillip Mashiane nemlig besked på, at han skulle 'gå smerten væk'. Det skriver den lokale avis Star Newspaper.
Under røveriet blev han ramt af en kugle, der gik ind lige over hoften og stadig sidder i kroppen.
Vagten blev først indlagt på et privathospital, hvor han dog blev sendt væk, da han ikke kunne betale regningen. På et offentligt hospital beholdt de ham et par dage, tog røntgenbilleder og derefter blev han sendt hjem med smertestillende piller og beskeden: 'Du kan gå smerten væk'.
Kuglen sidder stadig i kroppen på Phillip Mashiane.
ENGELSK:
A South African security guard was shot during a robbery in Johannesburg. Doctors are not busy helping guard. After the shooting was 38-year-old Phillip Mashiane namely told him to go the pain away. It writes the local newspaper Star Newspaper. During the robbery, he was hit by a ball that went just over the hip and still sits in the body. The guard was first admitted to a private hospital where he was sent away because he could not pay the bill. At a public hospital they kept him a few days, took X-rays and then he was sent home with painkillers and the message: You can take the pain away. The ball is still in the body of Phillip Mashiane.

A South African security guard got shot during a robbery in Johannesburg.The doctors are not busy helping the guard.After the shooting the 38 year old Philip Mashiane got told that he should "walk the pain away",according to the local newspaper Star newspaper.
During the robery he got hit by a bullet what went straight above the hip and still are in his body.
The security guard first got admitted to a private hospital but got turned away because he could not pay the bill.In another hospital they kept him for a couple of days,took x-rays and therafter got send home with painkillers and the message :" You can walk the pain away!".
The bullet is still in Philip Mashiane! (stakkels Philip!)

Jeg er så vidt enig, hvis bare "got" blev udvekslet med "was". "He was shot", lyder mere rigtigt en "He got shot"?

"Got shot" lyder lidt for meget som amerikansk slang. "Got" skal nærmere oversættes med "fik", "he got a bike for Christmas".

ENGELSK:
A South African security guard was shot during a robbery in Johannesburg. Doctors are not busy helping the guard. After the shooting 38-year-old Phillip Mashiane was namely told to "walk the pain away", according to local newspaper Star Newspaper. During the robbery, he was hit by a bullet that went in just above the hip and still remains inside the body. The guard was first admitted to a private hospital where he was sent away as he could not pay the bill. At a public hospital they kept him a few days, took X-rays and then he was sent home with painkillers and the message: "You can walk the pain away". The bullet is still inside the body of Phillip Mashiane.
En bemærkning til den danske tekst:
Alt står i datid, så det bør den 2. sætning vel også gøre.
"Lægerne havde dog ikke travlt..." og på engelsk: "Doctors were not busy..."

on May 29 1998 three black man died in a gang shootout at a Compton car wash in Los Angeles including Orlando Anderson a former suspect in the slaying of rapstar Tupac Shakur a forth man named Michael Reed Dorrough was wounded after being shot in the shootout and he was later arrested by Compton police in connection with the gun battle that killed three man including his best friend Orlando Anderson the lead suspect in the unsolve murder of rapper Tupac Shakur one the day of May 29 1998 Orlando Anderson who was a well nown 23 year old gang member of The Southside Crips and who became a prime suspect in the murder of Tupac Shakur was sitting in his house in Compton California Orlando Anderson got a call from one of his friends named Michael Reed Dorrough he talked with him in the telefon and later that day Orlando Anderson decied to go out and get some burgers with his best friend Michael Reed Dorrough Orlando Anderson and Michael Reed Dorrough got into a Black Blaer and they were driving in the car on the street in Compton California later Orlando Anderson and his friend Michael Reed Dorrough pulled into the parking lot of Cigs Record Store ar Robs car wash at Alondra Boulevard and Oleander Avenue when Orlando Anderson and Michael Reed Dorrough got out of the car they saw to Compton gang members named Jerry Stone and Michael Stone Orlando Anderson and Michael Reed Dorrough walked over to Michael Stone and Jerry Stone Orlando Anderson pulled into the bussiness with Jerry Stone and Michael Stone and he got into a argument with them about the unpaid drug debt Jerry Stone who was talking with Orlando Anderson about a drug deal at the place of Cigs Record Stone brandished a weapon when he did it Jerry Stone pulled his gun Michael Reed Dorrough who was with Orlando Anderson in Compton California at the time of the incident talked Jerry Stone into putting the gun away but Orlando Anderson pulled out his own gun a Clock 40 Cliber handgun which many people believe he shot and killed Tupac Shakur with when Orlando Anderson pulled his gun he started shooting he fired many shots and several bullets hit Jerry Stone in his body Orlando Anderson shot Jerry Stone before being slain himself in a hail of bullets when Orlando Anderson pulled his gun and pulled the trigger and started shooting and hitting Jerry Stone he was shot right after by Jerry Stone and when Orlando Anderson was wounded he dropped his gun Jerry Stone who shot Orlando Anderson after being shot himself also shot Orlando Andersons frined Michael Reed Dorrough when he was wounded he took Orlando Andersons gun and returned fire Michael Reed Dorrough who pulled Orlando Andersons gun pulled the trigger and started shooting Michael Reed Dorrough fired the shots that hit Michael Stone who was Jerry Stone uncle when Orlando Anderson Michael Reed Dorrough Jerry Stone and Michael Stone got shot they where taken to the hospital at Martin Luther King J-r Harbor King Drew Medical Center and the same day of the shooting the 23 year old gang member Orlando Anderson and the 24 year old gang member Jerry Stone and the 41 year old gang member Michael Stone died at the hospital of the gunshot wounds they scuffed in the gang shootout in Compton the last victim of the gang shootout the 24 year old gang member Michael Reed Dorrough was the only person who suveried in the shootout Michael Reed Dorrough was treated at the same hospital at King Drew Medical Center where Orlando Anderson Jerry Stone and Michael Stone died after being shot to death in a gun battle outside a car wash in Los Angeles after Michael Reed Dorrough who was treated at the hospital of his injuries after he was involved in the shootout in Compton California was later arrested by Compton police in connection with the gang shooting that killed three gang mmebers including gang member Orlando Anderson also known as Baby Lane who was a figure in the unsolved shooting death of rapper Tupac Shakur after the death of the young rival gang member Orlando Anderson who was an alleged affiliate of The Southside Crips was buried in his hometown Compton California after he died as gang member in a gang shootout no one has ever been charged and convicted of the murder of Orlando Anderson who is cited as Tupacs shooter and killer Orlando Andersons friend Michael Reed Dorrough who was arrested by Compton police in connection with the gunfight he was involved outside a Compton car wash in Los Angeles where his friend Orlando Anderson and Jerry Stone and Michael stone where shot to death after they were gunnen down in the shootout Michael Reed Dorrough was going to prison after he was aressted by Compton police of his role in the shooting that left his friend Orlando Anderson dead the lead suspect in the 1996 shooting death of the American rapper Tupac Shakur after the Compton gang member Michael Reed Dorrough was arrested by police in connection with a gang shooting at a Compton car wash that left Orlando Anderson and to other man dead he is challenging Compton Californias Drive by shooting statute in hopes of overturning a life sentence for a triple murder conviction one the day of October 6 1999 the street gang member Michael Reed Dorrough from Compton was sentenced to three life terms witout parole plus 49 year in prison fpr his role in an afternoon gang shootout at a Compton car wash in California that left three man dead including his friend Orlando Anderson the prime suspect in the unsolved shooting and killing of the American rapper Tupac Shakur