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Rettelse af en engelsk stil. =)

Hej folkens.
Jeg har skrevet en stil, som jeg håber at få rettet. Jeg har meget problemer med nutid og datid. Jeg får af vide at jeg skifter meget i tid. Håber I vil rette den.
Love
People who bring “sunshine” into the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves. Most of us are searching for something, or sometime in the future when we will finally be happy. We tell ourselves that if we can only get to "that place," then our lives will be perfect. What we miss when we go through life with this perspective is the joy of today, and all the wonderful things that it brings.
The narrator in this short story is a girl who lives in London. The story starts in the middle of the story, also called in medias res.
She is on a train in Croydon in inner London, where she begins to play and sing on the train to the other passengers. Her aim was to make people smile and bring joy in them, which she thinks there was too little. And of course there should always be a spoilsport in the audience, which was a sulkily man who asked her to stop for that spectacle, as he called it, "Could you please stop that racket?" (P. 80 l.l 4) She could understand the proceedings sulkily man on the train. She tells herself that she was the type who sneered at the types who played guitar or music in general, in public. She said: "When I first moved to London, I was like everyone else: hard-boiled and aggressive, pushy and acquisitive." (P. 80 l.l 22), she ends up at Leicester Square station, where she will end a very nice guy named Charlie, whom she portrayed as a very clean and well-dressed person, who seems to smell expensive.
She presents herself as an empty person who wants to "make up". After she meets Charlie gets her empty "I" filled up by Charlie. He nests her from the empty hole and gives her life. She ends so to move in with him, but it turned out that she was not the only one who had been plucked out of the pit by Charlie. There lived already 11 other women with Charlie, which he exploited by saying that he is trying to make London a better place to live.
Charlie is a man who is good at manipulating the women here. He convinces them that they are a kind of team that must work together to make London a better place. What they do not know is that they just do not improve London by working together with Charlie. Charlie encouragethem them to take the dark leader leggins on, when they were out to make a positive difference to London's streets. Dark leader leggins typically have a very raw and sexy effect. He was good at manipulating women. He knew what he wanted with them. He does not say directly to them that they should do something against their will. He exploits them to be innocent and compassionate. He also says. "I am not forcing you to do anything against your will. We are equal partners. Let no one say you are my slaves” (p. 82 l.l 10). He tries to do his best by getting them to trust him. And give them confidence in him to keep them. It was apparently very easy for them as it all were women who needed to be lifted up by a hole. Normal women was not entirely, else they had never found himself to be manipulated, just as Charlie does.
Charlie does not live up to the girls' expectations. Some of the girls leaving him and the group. They do this because Charlie was a bad idea, they would not be with. He got the idea to push people to their deaths through the subsoil. The narrator ends up with to stay with Charlie.
The title of this story "Sunshine" by Anne Billson fits very well with the story. The title "Sunshine" refers to Charlie and Company who is trying to bring sunshine into people's lives. In addition, there also opens up a pleasure in the narrator when she meets Charlie.
The short story "The Red Line" by Charles Higson is one story, heard from three different peoples view. The reason why the story is separated in three different parts is that you get a short introduction, of the person that is represented in the story. The individual may have nothing to do with each other what so ever, but in the end you realize how much the fear control their lives, and how the urban life affects them. The narrator is an all-knowing narrator, which means he knows what all the persons in the story are thinking and feeling. The three people you meet in this story are, the hairless Mon also called the karaoke singer, Berto the Italian guy and Denise.
"The Red Lines" got some of the same themes as the story, "Sunshine". Which are loneliness, feeling misplaced and individuality for mentioning some of them. The person in the story, "Sunshine", is in a moral vacuum, in going from a less abnormal girl to be an abnormal girl to meet Charlie, who does not lift her out of a hole, but throw her into a hole. Urban people have a tendency to fall into the moral void because they are not communicate on the same level as other people, which causes a more superficial relationship to each other. “The Red Line” and “Sunshine” gives us two great examples of how terrible things can work out.
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Orker ikke

at rette hele din opgave, hvilket heller ikke vil hjælpe dig langsigtet, men du har ret i, at du skifter tid mange gange undervejs. Jeg ser indimellem samme problem hos enkelte af mine elever (7.-9. klasse), og jeg har ikke bedre/enklere råd at give dem end at printe teksten ud, gå den igennem, markere samtlige udsagnsord med en overstregningstusch og rette alle dem, der ikke står i den tid, de ønsker at skrive i. Det er også en effektiv måde til at undgå kongruensfejl på.
En anden mulighed er, at du oversætter teksten til dansk for dig selv - altså bare inde i hovedet - og stoppe op hver gang, det lyder forkert.
Et par eksempler:
..."hvor hun BEGYNDER at spille og synge på toget for de andre passagerer. Hendes mål VAR at få folk til at smile og at bringe glæde i dem, hvilket hun SYNES, der VAR for lidt af."
...."(P. 80 l.l 22), hun ENDER på Leicester Square Station, hvor hun VIL ende (??) en meget sød fyr ved navn Charlie, som hun PORTRÆTTEREDE som en meget renlig og velklædt person, som SYNES at lugte dyrt."
- Kan du ikke se/høre, når det "går galt"? Det sker mange steder i din tekst - og du er nok nødt til at tage "det lange, seje træk", ikke bare for at forbedre denne opgave, men for at skærpe din opmærksomhed fremover og forhåbentlig til slut undgå denne fejltype.
Du skal også være opmærksom på ordstillingen - "After she meets Charlie, HER EMPTY "I" GETS FILLED UP BY HIM" (min rettelse med versaler).
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jeg syntes det lyder forfærdeligt

men jeg har ikke lyst til at ændre det.
du har det meget med huller, hole.
han gør intet for at løfte hende op af hullet, men smider hende ned i hullet, det er vist det man kalder volapyk på fransk.
hvor mange huller kender du, som en anden person skal løfte vedkommende op af.
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Jeg kan godt rette den :-)

jeg er adjunkt på seminariet nemligt... :-)
Men jeg gider IKKE rette den
Der tog jeg sgu r... på dig, hva! *lol*
Så kan du lære det!
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Yah right

Dagens vittighed i forkert kategori😃😃😃
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